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Newbies at a cat show, September 25.–26., 2021

Prologue

I registered to a cat show without knowing how such show looks.

Day one

  • I wake up at 6:00 a.m., feed all my cats, and order a taxi for 07:30 to ensure I arrive at my destination on time.

  • I receive a phone call from the taxi headquarters at 7:30 am. They say that the taxi broke down and they are looking for a substitute.

  • The taxi arrives at 07:45, and we head to the sports hall where the show is taking place. I show the driver how to get to the back entrance, which I found on Google Maps.

  • I got there. I am surprised that, in fact, 'one cage' means 'half a cage'.

  • I prepare my half, giving my cat only water because I read that cats usually get stressed out during shows and do not want to eat.

  • I expect the cat to knock its water bowl over any minute now.

  • The cat loves the hammock I gave her. She could not care less about the water, but she makes it clear that she wants cat food.

  • I give her granules one by one, as I do not want to stress her with a large portion.

  • After the tenth granule, I am stressed out, so I keep a bowl of cat food in the cage.

  • The cat pretends she has not eaten for months and swallows lots of granules. She looks happy knowing that she will not starve to death.

  • I look around and chat to the other cat owners. My cat shows herself to the people around us. She watches me jealously, not wanting me to look at the neighbouring cat too much.

  • I discovered that the neighbouring Maine Coon is actually just a kitten. He weighs 'only' 8 kg.

  • Finally, I approach the judge. I am amazed at how the other participants 'stretch' their cats. My cat looks like a prawn.

  • The judge tries to stretch my cat. My cat shows him that a circle is better than a line.

  • We proceed to the parallel judge. I try to stretch my cat. She looks like a dead fish.

  • One of the participants explains to me that the 'dead fish pose' is not the best way to present the cat. I thank her, but my cat is still curled up.

  • The competition for the sexiest queen begins! I try to pull my cat out of the hammock. She looks at me as if to say that this competition is beneath her.

  • I want to go home but I cannot get the cat out of the cage. The door has four corners and the cat has four legs, but I only have two hands.

  • Brute strength wins. Cat is in her carrier. We are going home by bus.

  • The cat meows loudly to let everyone on the bus know that she is there. The passengers admire her, and she looks happy.

  • When we come home, the cat stretches herself across the hallway.

  • I pick her up and try to stretch her out myself. She immediately curls up.

  • I better go to sleep.

Day two

  • Just as the taxi is due to arrive, I receive a phone call from their headquarters. They apologise for the car being broken and said they were looking for a replacement. I do not ask if it is the same car as yesterday.

  • Finally, the taxi arrives and we set off for our destination. I discover that the main entrance is right by the roadside, rather than at the back of the building as Google had told me. Grr!

  • My cat happily jumps into her cage while I prepare her new bowls. I make sure I give her plenty of granules.

  • The cat is glaring at me angrily because I promised her some special treats.

  • I give her lots of treats. After eating them, she happily curls up and falls asleep.

  • We should go to the judge. I pull the angry, sleepy cat from her hammock.

  • I cannot stretch her again. Instead, she scratches my chest.

  • I look like a sadomasochist.

  • Another participant takes the cat from me, stretches her out easily, and then hands her back to me saying, 'One day, you will learn it.' Maybe.

  • After the judgement, the cat jumps happily into her cage and throws herself into her toilet, food and water to show me how much I have restricted her personal freedom.

  • Two old ladies admire my cat and they predict that things will be better next time. I wish they are the Fates.

  • Another judgement. I finally managed to stretch my cat for a few seconds — hooray!

  • Before the judgement is completed, I have hissing shrimp around my neck again.

  • Another participant takes pity on me and suggests that I should take the cat to the judge in her carrier.

  • So, I put the cat in the carrier, take her to the judge, open the carrier and try to stretch her again after tearing her away from it.

  • After the judgement, I try to put the cat back in the carrier. She runs out in a flash before I manage to close the cover.

  • One of the visitors catches my cat, and I successfully put her inside. I wish the ground would swallow me up!

  • The cat is happy to be back in her cage, but she looks at me jealously when I pay a little bit of attention to the neighbouring kitten.

  • I tell my neighbour that her cat uses his litter tray as a bed. She told me that it is OK because she needs to comb him anyway.

  • The competition for the sexiest tomcat is approaching. My neighbour takes her cat, shakes the cat litter from him and says that they do not need to compete for this title.

  • I help by combing the cat litter out of the kitten's fur (he needs to be judged). My cat tries to make him hiss. In vain.

  • I watch the Best in Show ceremony. I take photos until my phone battery dies.

  • I realize that I cannot call a taxi without a mobile phone.

  • I managed to pack everything into one bag, so I can carry it all at once.

  • I take everything out of the cage. My cat lies on the hammock and defends it as  her last outpost.

  • The cat does not know whether to defend the hammock or the door first. This makes it quite easy for me to pull her out. I put her and the hammock in the carrier together.

  • I am trying to work out how to carry the carrier, the big bag and the chair all at once.

  • I board the bus with the carrier, my bag and my chair. The cat meows so pitifully that people immediately let me sit down.

  • I am holding the bag with my legs, the chair with one hand and the cat carrier with the other. I feel like a spider!

  • The cat cries loudly, to announce that she is here. People love her.

  • We are finally home. The cat is contented: she purrs happily and snuggles up to me.

  • I hope it goes better next time!

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