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Newbies at a cat show, September 25.–26., 2021


I registered to a cat show without knowing how such show looks.

Day one

  • I wake up at 6:00 a.m., feed all my cats and order taxi for half past seven, to get to the destination on time.

  • At 7:30 am I get a phone call from the taxi headquarters. They say that the taxi broke down and they are looking for a substitute.

  • The taxi arrives at 7:45 am, we go to the sports hall where the show takes place. I show the driver how to get to the back entrance that I found on Google maps.

  • I got there. I am surprised that in fact, one cage means half of cage.

  • I prepare my half, giving only water to my cat because I read that cats are usually stressed out during shows and so they do not want to eat.

  • I guess that my cat quickly overturns the water bowl.

  • The cat loves the hammock that I gave her. She does not give a damn about the water but she shows me that she wants cat granules.

  • I give her granules, one by one because I do not want to stress her out with too big portion.

  • After tenth granule, I am stressed out and keep a bowl with cat food in the cage.

  • The cat pretends that she did not eat for months and swallows lots of granules. She looks happy that she won’t die of hunger.

  • I look around, chat with the cat owners around me. My cat shows herself to the people around. Also, she watches me in jealously because she does not want me to look at the neighbouring cat too much.

  • I discovered that the neighbouring cat is just a kitten. He weights “only” 8 kg.

  • Finally, I go to the judge. I look amazely how the other participants “stretch” their cats. My cat resembles a shrimp.

  • The judge tries to stretch my cat. My cat shows him that a circle is better than a line.

  • We go to parallel judge. I try to stretch my cat. She looks like a dead fish.

  • One of the participants explains me that the “dead fish pose” is not the best way to show the cat. I thank him but my cat is still curled up.

  • The competition for the most sexy queen begins. I try to put my cat off the hammock. She looks me in a way showing that this competition is below her level.

  • I want to go home but I cannot get the cat out of the cage. The door has four corners, cat has four legs and I have only two hands.

  • Brute strength wins, cat is in her carrier and we are going home by bus.

  • The cat meows very loudly, to get know everyone in the bus that she is here. The passengers admire her and she looks happy.

  • When we come home, the cat stretches herself across the hall.

  • I take her and try to stretch her myself. She curls up immediatelly.

  • I better go to sleep.

Day two

  • The time when the taxi should arrive, I got a phone call from their headquarters again. They apologize that the ordered car is broken and they are looking for a substitute. I do not ask them if it is the same car as yesterday.

  • Finally, the taxi arrives and we go to the destination. I discover that the main entrance is directly near the road, not at the backyard as Google told me. Grr.

  • My cat happily jumps to the cage and I prepare new bowls for her. I do not forget to give her lots of granules.

  • The cat grins discontentedly because I promised to give her cat dainties.

  • I give her many dainties. She happily curls up and falls to sleep after eating them.

  • We should go to the judge. I pull the angry sleepy cat from her hammock.

  • I cannot stretch her again. She scratches my chest instead.

  • I look as a sado-masochist.

  • Another participant takes the cat from me, stretches her out easily and then gives her to me with words “One day, you will learn it”.

  • After the judgement, the cat jumps in her cage happily, throws herself in her toalet, food and water, to show me how much I restricted her personal freedom.

  • Two old ladies admire my cat and they predict that it will be better next time. I wish they are the Fates.

  • Another judgement. I finally stretched my cat for a few seconds, hurray!

  • Before the judgement is completed, I have hissing shrimp around my neck again.

  • Another participant takes pity on me and advises that it is better to bring the cat to the judge in her carrier.

  • So I put the cat in the carrier, bring her to the judge, open the carrier, tear the cat away from it and try to stretch her again.

  • After judgement, I put cat back to the carrier. She runs out in a flash before I manage to close the cover.

  • One of the visitors catches my cat and I sucessfully put her in. I wish the ground will swallow me up.

  • The cat is happy to be back in her cage but looks at me jealously because I take care of the neighbouring “kitten” little bit.

  • I tell to my neighbour that her cat makes a bed out of his toilet. She tells me that it is ok because she needs to comb him anyway.

  • The competition for the most sexy tomcat approaches. My neighbour takes her cat, shakes cat litter from him and says that they do not need to compete for this title.

  • I help with combing the litter out of the cat’s pelt (he needs to go to judgement). My cat tries to make him hiss. In vain.

  • I watch the announcement of winners. I take photos until my cellphone battery is dead.

  • I realize that I cannot call taxi without cellphone.

  • I managed to pack all things in one bag so it is possible to carry all at once.

  • I take everything out of the cage. My cat lies on hammock and defends it as  her last outpost.

  • The cat does not know what to defend first – the hammock, or the door. So I was able to pull her out quite easily. I put her in the carrier together with the hammock.

  • I try to figure out how to carry the carrier, big bag and chair together.

  • I get on the bus with the carrier, bag and chair. The cat meows so ruefully that people let me sit immediatelly.

  • I hold the bag with my legs, the chair with one hand and the cat carrier with the other hand. I feel like a spider.

  • The cat cries loadly, to announce that she is here. People love her.

  • We are finally at home. The cat is satisfied, purrs happily and nestles against me.

  • I hope that it will go better next time.

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